is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
