we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
