I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
