you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
