I cannot find my penis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
