He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
