maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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