girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
