i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
