Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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