She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
