I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
