Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
