I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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