ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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