no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
