I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
