what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
