so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
