JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
