It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry my hands just texted you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
