your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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