Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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