So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
