we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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