Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
