There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
