um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
