So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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