she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
