I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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