Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
