i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
