guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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