dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
