Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
