i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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