The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
