I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry about my life...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
