you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
