we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
