the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
