im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
