I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
