Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
