I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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