She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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