She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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