happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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