Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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