Your tits are I can't wait for
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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