Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
