I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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