Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
